“Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks” – Ephesians 5:1-4
I didn’t used to know what boundaries were. I just let people walk into my life, use and abuse me, and treat me like I was nothing more than a meal ticket or a sex toy. I let people, especially men, be very abusive to me. I tolerated the abuse from others because I did not know how to set boundaries for myself. With the lifestyle that I was living, the only “boundaries” that I knew where the “boundaries” that had been preset by the pimps and drug dealers that I dealt with.
The word “NO” had all but been eradicated from my vocabulary as I felt that I did not have the right to say it, let alone stick to it and not allow others to manipulate and con me into doing things that I did not want to do.
Since then, I have learned that it is not selfish, but rather it is very healthy to have personal boundaries. I no longer have to fear the repercussions of saying “NO” to someone because I now realize that I am not someone’s door mat for them to wipe their feet on. I am a human being – a soul of worth. I deserve to have my personal space, and I have a right to let people know that I will no longer tolerate being maltreated by anyone. I have also learned that when I set boundaries, I need to stick to them, and not allow anyone to breach those boundaries by doing things that I am uncomfortable with and that could potentially cause me problems.
Setting boundaries and sticking to them even when others don’t necessarily like the boundaries that I have set is crucial for my personal development and continual growth in life. I know that I am a person of worth, and I have to do what I feel is right for me. I cannot concern myself with what other people think or say about the boundaries that I have set, but I have to learn to stand up for myself. If I cannot stand up for myself, how can I possibly make a stand for what is right, fair, and just?
Karlyn Kay Stebbins
15 July 2014
Founder of The Conqueror Foundation
Karlyn Kay Stebbins’ Biography:
Karlyn Kay Stebbins is a guest writer for Morsels Of Bread. She is an addictions counselor and works in a drug rehabilitation center. She has a double major in Sociology and Psychology, and a minor in Communications. She is a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, having been baptized on 26 March 2011. Her hobbies are reading and writing. She also enjoys spending time with her son and his friends. She is also the Founder of The Conqueror Foundation and has a blog called “Reflection Pays” where she shares her insights.